The Veil-Slash-Guilt Show

A while back, the ladies at my dress shop said a veil designer was having a veil show at the shop, so I made an appointment to try on my dress with all different veils.  My BFF, my Auntie J, and my brother’s family came with me, fully expecting a veil show.  It was not a veil show.

Let me preface this by saying: I love my dress shop.  It’s one of a kind and altogether lovely.  It took me a long time to write this post,  because I don’t want to write anything negative.  In order to make this negative experience into a positive, I’ll tell you what I did in this situation, and what I should have done to make it a better situation.

I put on the sample of my beautiful dress, and the sweet shop owner introduced me to…well, let’s call her Ms. Veil.  Ms. Veil was the veil designer, but she didn’t seem interested in veils.  Instead, she was really adamant about me purchasing some of these:

What I Did: Half-croaked half-whispered, “So pretty!  But I can’t!  No thank you.”  Normally, I would cry out in fear of metals touching my bare skin, but I’d lost my voice to laryngitis and didn’t want to hurt her feelings–she handmade each piece.  Auntie J explained how badly allergic I am.

What I Should’ve Done: Cried out in fear.  Gets the point across faster.

But Ms. Veil had to find something I could buy.  Earrings?  Bracelets?  Sterling silver?  Glass beads with a teeny tiny metal clasp?

What I Did: Croaked, “So sorry, I can’t.”  Kept shaking my head no when she replied more loudly with more options.  BFF and Auntie J tried to speak up, but she talked over all of us.  My throat was throbbing from all the croaking, and I was getting weary.

What I Should’ve Done: Pretended I was mute from the start.  Would’ve saved a lot of vocal strain.

My BFF deftly took off all the jewelry and directed Ms. Veil’s attention back to the veils.  We finally started trying on different styles.  Three switches later, we ran out of veils.  She then showed us hair pieces that we could purchase along with the imaginary veils.

What I Did: Acted completely understanding that she only brought four veils.  Let her stick things in my hair.

What I Should’ve Done: Gotten back to the subject at hand.  Asked to see pictures of the lengths and edgings she talked about.

I asked Ms. Veil if we could use a tulle that lies softly against me (her sample veils were rough against my skin).  She said every company uses the exact same type of tulle, so I would never find a veil that does not feel exactly like her veils.

What I Did: Tried on a veil from the bridal shop’s supply.  Felt how much softer it was.  Kept my mouth shut.

What I Should’ve Done: Said something!

At the end of the night, I felt horribly guilty about not being able to wear her jewelry, so we bought my veil from her.  I didn’t want her to feel like she wasted her time.  After we cut the check, she went over to her jewelry table to put things in order.  The sweet shop owner came over and asked, “So how’d things go?”  And Ms. Veil snapped, “She’s not buying a thing!  She can’t wear a single piece of my jewelry!  She’s allergic to everything!”  Um.  I was standing at the table with them.

What I Did: Felt even more guilty from her verbal explosion.  Said it was all so pretty, and that I was so sorry I wasn’t getting anything.  Left feeling crummy as heck.

What I Should’ve Done: Recognized that it wasn’t a good situation from the start; rescheduled; and left the moment we got there.  Maybe we were all just having a bad day.

I’m a little nervous about seeing her when she finishes my veil.  I hope our second meeting is a million times better than our first!  Have you had any crummy wedding planning experiences?  Did you handle it the way you wanted to, or do you wish you could go back and set everything right?


January 29, 2010. Jewelry, Vendors.

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